I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize