My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
