Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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