Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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