And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just blew my weed a kiss
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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