It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my being single is dangerous.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
