Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
