You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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