This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
