i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
