she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
