And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize