he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
