Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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