god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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