ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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