I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
