Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
