I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
