Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize