i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
