i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
