i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize