I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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