Got a toothbrush?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
