My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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