ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
