so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
