the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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