Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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