we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
