if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
