how can u be prego again
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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