I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
