I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
