I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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