The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
