after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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