she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
