Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
