Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
