I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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