Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize