There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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