This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
