First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
