Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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