shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
