I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
