We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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