oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
