At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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