Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
