Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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