Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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