Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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