Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
