i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
