I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
