I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
