My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
