capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
