it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
