things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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