xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
