i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
