I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize