:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
