He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
