well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
