fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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