I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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