you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I came so hard my ears popped.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
