I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
