Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
