I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
