i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
